Mausam (2011)

Here is a grainy screencap of Shahid Kapoor in a kilt. It’s the primary redeeming feature of this movie.

There. I have just saved you 2 and a half hours.

Mausam is the first (and so far only) movie directed by Pankaj Kapur, starring his son. If the cinematography is any indication, he seems to love Shahid very much. I also love Shahid very much, but this does not actually make it a good movie.

Anyway, on to the epic “love story beyond romance”, featuring our two protagonists, the unluckiest couple in the world. They hit no less than 5 notable violent world events over the course of about ten years, which alternately bring them together or force them apart. I’d give them more slack about their tempest-tossed relationship if they had given me any reason to root for their love, but they don’t, so neither do I.


Shahid plays Harry Singh, who’s eagerly hoping for an acceptance letter from the Indian Air Force. He’s Punjabi. Very Punjabi.

He also likes to do pushups in nothing but a sweater vest.

And pants. What were you thinking?

He falls for Aayat (Sonam Kapoor), a shy refugee from Kashmir. Their longest interaction is an indulgently shot scene of them exchanging notes during a quiet evening together.

Why does she put the notes in the water? Nobody knows. Just look at that pretty swirling ink.

But her family up and moves in the middle of the night before they can express their feelings. So Harry goes off to become an Air Force pilot with a bad mustache, and seven years later, meets Aayat again in Scotland. It is very romantic, or it would be if either of them showed any feelings about the whole thing. I get that it’s supposed to be all old-school glances and atmosphere, but Shahid is too focused on being a buttoned-up officer to pull it off, and I’ve never been impressed with Sonam’s ability to emote. She's absolutely gorgeous, though.

But Shahid! That mustache! It's so awful!

But the night he is to visit Aayat’s family and propose, he’s called off to drop bombs on Kashmir*. So he leaves. Without a phone call. Or a letter. Any kind of message to the woman he wants to marry. They play melodramatic phone tag across multiple continents, but still can’t manage to meet.
*war/terrorism event number 3

He's sad.

She's sad.

Harry then goes off to battle, but is injured in a badly-animated plane malfunction:

Please note that the government of India would like to remind us that:

Don't worry! We were under no such impression!

Anyway, Harry’s arm is paralyzed and he still can’t find Aayat, until years later, when he spots her standing at a train station in Switzerland. He gets off the train and literally races across the Swiss hills back to her, only to find her asleep with a man and small child. Without even saying hello, he leaves, thinking she’s married and lost to him forever. These are just family friends, though. Aayat continues to pine for Harry.

And the ending is absolutely batshit. You thought Amitabh Bachchan rescuing Sanjeev Kumar from an plane crash to resolve a romance was weird, but this is crazier. Harry rescues Aayat during rioting in Ahmedabad (and we’re at number 5), which is the first time we see him show any sort of emotion in the last hour and a half, and they hide out in the violent wreckage of a carnival. They see a toddler trapped on a ferris wheel, and does the person with two working arms climb and rescue her? Oh no. Harry climbs up, one-handed, and when she falls, it’s his paralyzed hand that shoots out and grabs her. I can’t even speculate about how he and the kid get down safely.

On the other hand, boy does he look better with this manly stubble grown in around that mustache.

We can learn a few lessons from this movie:

• If you love someone, tell them right away. Seize the moment! Kal ho naa ho!
• If you love someone, also promptly exchange reliable contact information.
• Think about having your mail forwarded when you move.
• Maybe think more critically about your movie choices, even if your dad is directing.