Tomorrow will be Shahrukh

I love this movie, but I try to watch it when no one else is home, just so I don’t have to explain it. It’s ridiculous. Quintessential Karan Johar fluff. I don’t care. Sometimes that’s just what you want, and Kal Ho Naa Ho (tomorrow may not be) has all of the feelings, every single one of them, and sometimes all at once.

WOW SUCH VALUES

Naina (Preity Zinta) is an unhappy young women, living with her dysfunctional family in New York. Her grandmother blames Naina’s mother for her husband’s suicide, and constantly berates her granddaughter Gia because she was adopted. Naina’s mother Jennifer (Jaya Bachchan) is overworked, worried about money and keeps up an endless stream of bickering with her mother-in-law.

Then Aman (Shahrukh Khan) moves in next door to brighten their lives and embarks on a mission to cheer Naina up in the most annoying way possible.

So naturally she falls in love.

2014 Mini-Reviews: Charisma

… and not much else. But sometimes that’s okay.

Main Tera Hero

Just like it says on the tin, folks.

Certainly this is the least interesting of the Student of the Year kids’ sophomore choices. But it’s the most fun, that’s for sure. Main Tera Hero is one of the more straightforward movies than most of the others I’ve watched this year. (Straightforward in the sense of narrative substance, not in the sense of who loves who and who was pretending to love who and who was pretending to be who because that approaches Housefull 2 levels of ridiculousness.) Varun Dhawan seems, unsurprisingly, bred to star in his father’s movies. He dances, (So much pelvic thrusting, you guys. So much.) he grins, he struts around and nails the physical comedy effortlessly. I’m not saying he’s the second coming of Govinda, but his loveable machismo is pretty damn endearing.

Varun and Ileana don’t have any particular chemistry, but they play well off each other, and I enjoyed her feigned melodrama as much as I did in Phata Poster Nikhla Hero. Nargis Fakhri is surprisingly bearable, to my shock. Her character is kind of a dip, but so is she. It all works out. The plot is both standard-issue Bollywood comedy and far more complex than I want to explain here. It’s really just a vehicle for Varun’s waggling pectorals and over the top dance sequences.

Total Siyapaa

Not actually the siyapaa (“mess”) that I was expecting from the reviews. Certainly if you are by some freak of nature immune to the considerable raw charisma of Ali Zafar, this movie would be unwatchable. (Also, I would feel very sorry for you.) It’s one of those slapstick, madcap comedies that just doesn’t really coalesce into an actual story, but that’s okay. I found it worth a one-time watch.

The story takes place over a single evening, when Asha (Yami Gautam) brings her Pakistani boyfriend Aman (Ali Zafar) home to meet her crazy Punjabi family. As you might imagine, there are many hijinks to be had. Kirron Kher is always a delight as the overdramatic filmi maa, but Anupam Kher as Asha’s father who’s struck with amnesia after being hit on the head with frozen soup is way too close to his crazy-haired character in Beta to be funny.

I was expecting more from an Ali Zafar soundtrack, but there are only a few songs and the picturization of Palat Meri Jaan in particular is completely uninspired.

Bang Bang!

Well, that was fun. This is a shiny, over-the-top remake of some random Hollywood movie that I haven’t seen anyway, so I can’t really bring myself to care that’s it’s not original. Originality is not what I’m looking for, which is good because Bang Bang! stars Hrithik Roshan as a dangerous yet sexy criminal, Katrina Kaif as carefree young woman caught up in international adventures, and Hrithik’s hair gel as an indestructible force of nature.

Harleen is a bank receptionist living in Shimla with her spunky Dadi, dreaming of far-off places and wearing very appealing knitwear. Rajveer has stolen the Kohinoor diamond for an angry crime lord who wants to disrupt India/British relations, but demands more money and is pursued across the rooftops of Shimla by henchmen. He easily escapes, because he can jump from the highest buildings and come out with nothing more than stylishly ripped jeans. Harleen meets him when he’s mistaken as her blind date, but when she’s seen with him, she also becomes a target for the crime lord and is whisked away for more fights, more intrigue, and attractive international location songs.

Harleen is a very enjoyable protagonist, and Katrina is as cute as can be:

I assume this is what they were going for at the end of Ishq Shava, with the carefree attitude and miniskirts, but this actually works and I love it. With this and Dhoom 3, I'm now firmly on team Katrina. Plus, the songs are Harleen’s fantasies, not Rajveer’s, and while he’s unquestionably the hero, the story follows her instead.

The plot doesn’t actually make sense, but there is a scene with Hrithik fighting in the ocean with little jetpacks attached to his feet. Also one where he shoots a plane with a harpoon gun, then uses it to water ski and catch up with the plane. And there are these great shots from Harleen’s perspective with Hrithik all oiled up and posing like he’s on a romance novel cover. The point is, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of this movie, and I left hoping that Harleen takes her Dadi on their next around the world adventure. She’d like it.

Tum Mere Ho (1990)

For a long time, I thought Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla only did two movies together: the classic Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak and the adorable Hum Hain Rahi Pyaar Ke. This is not true. There is also Tum Mere Ho. I was alerted to this absolute gem of a movie by the fellows at Pretentious Movie Reviews, which you should watch right this minute.

It’s got astonishingly regressive treatment of women, and that’s even for a 90s movie. The songs are mediocre, the soundtrack consists primarily of this annoying snake-charming tune, and the special effects are, well, they are very special and not very effective. It also has hilarious outfits. It is amazing in the best B-movie way, and I had to watch it all in one sitting. It’s actually pretty entertaining all the way through.

Dil Apna Aur Preet Parai (1960)

“I have given my heart to one who loves another.” There’s a reason that my Bollywhat profile says “Putting on too much eyeliner and pretending to be Meena Kumari”. She’s captivating, and I watched this movie solely on the basis of the haunting Ajeeb Dastaan Hai Yeh. I felt in the mood for a very lighthearted review, but this movie is beautiful and despite my distaste for Raj Kumar as a romantic lead, I was completely entranced.

Ghulam (1998)

This is (apparently, I didn’t notice it until I read wikipedia) a remake of On the Waterfront that translates really well to a Mumbai neighborhood run by a vicious and short-tempered gangster, Ronnie. Siddhu (Aamir Khan) is a petty criminal and boxer whose brother Jai works for Ronnie. Siddhu’s not interested in following Jai’s path, but he sees no reason to oppose Ronnie’s reign of fear, either. He’ll take the odd job match-fixing by beating up a cricket player, but he’s busy with his own stuff, like romancing a stunning, motorcycle-riding, and tragically dubbed Rani Mukerji (Alisha).

I love the lighting in this movie. It's not subtle, but boy is it pretty.

We are to understand that Siddhu is very brave, or at least brash, after a game playing chicken with an oncoming train. (That goes for Aamir Khan, too, who did the stunt himself. And by “stunt” I mean actually jumping out of the way of a moving train like you see in the movie.)

There’s like 5 shots of this from different angles. I love 90s Bollywood.
They always made sure to get their money’s worth out of every dramatic moment.

Radha Ka Sangam (1992)

I ended up liking this movie so much that I had to run out and order a dvd with subtitles so I could understand the plot. It’s a reincarnation story, but the bulk of the movie is about the love story between Govinda (Govinda) and Radha (Juhi Chawla) some years in the indeterminate past. They are as cute together as I could possibly hope for, and Radha is a respectable heroine who kicks some ass with her elephant and actually speaks up when her family is trying to marry her off to the wrong brother. Also, Juhi is absolutely gorgeous, as always.

2014 Mini-Reviews: Good roles, disappointing films

Gulaab Gang

I really wanted to like this. If it was even a little bit better, I would be praising it to the skies. But honestly, as it is, even the presence of Juhi and Madhuri could only bump it up a little past mediocre.

The lead performances were great. There are many fantastic shots of Madhuri striding towards the camera, a determined look on her face. As Rajjo, the strong-willed founder of a women’s ashram who fights for the rights of the downtrodden, she’s got scope for both gravitas and some seriously bad-ass fight scenes. And Juhi! She stops just this close to chewing all the scenery off the walls playing a scheming politician. It is an absolute delight watching them together onscreen. Two mature actresses who completely inhabit their characters, seeing them spar and scheme and fight--well, that’s something I’d like to see a lot more of.

I just wish they got better scripts. The plot is weak, the pacing is bad, and the supporting cast seemed to be around only as props to fuel the fight between Juhi and Madhuri’s characters. There’s some nascent exploration of the nature of power that is reminiscent of old-school masala, but it’s fairly heavy-handed. Juhi humiliates her staff with a wave of her hand and her spiteful nonchalance contrasts with Madhuri’s deliberate physical action. Her presence just fills the screen, and those parts are extremely satisfying. It shakes down to a mediocre good vs. evil star vehicle, though, and while it’s awesome (so awesome!) to see these actresses play hero and villain, the movie just can’t cash the check that the promos promised.

Queen

I have to say it. This movie is a lot like English Vinglish, right down to the device of characters having a mutually unintelligible conversation in different languages. But that’s okay. Just like Sridevi completely charmed me in English Vinglish, Kangana Ranaut is absolutely captivating throughout the entirety of Queen as Rani Mehra, simple middle-class girl taking the painful and unexpected chance to discover what she’s capable of.

We first meet Rani in the midst of wedding preparations. She’s excited and nervous about marrying Vijay (Rajkumar Rao) and then crushed when he dumps her right before the wedding with the same dogged persistence with which he courted her. She goes on her honeymoon trip to Europe anyway, and it’s not out of spite or willfulness, just an interest and not really knowing what else to do. I’m not sure why I didn’t enjoy it more, since watching Rani make friends and gain confidence as her wedding henna fades is pretty delightful. It’s much easier to root for her journey of self-discovery than any of the obnoxious men in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. You’ll just cheer when Rani stands up to Vijay in Amsterdam, after we’ve been treated to the slow reveal of his unpleasant personality.

The story could have used some editing, though. We really only needed the suggestion of Rani’s contact with her family to show us the growing change between her parents’ expectations of her and her own desires. We didn’t actually need to see every Skype conversation (although Rani frantically gesturing at her hostel roommate Taka to stay away from her webcam was pretty great and instantly relatable). The whole segment with the cranky Italian restaurateur was completely unnecessary. (Foreign people like good Indian food! Imagine that!)

What I like best is the way it ends. Finally she refuses Vijay, but in her own quiet way. She simply hands him the ring and leaves. We don’t know where she goes or what she’ll do with the rest of her life, we just know she’ll make her own self-assured decisions about it.

Hasee toh Phasee

I love Parineeti Chopra so much. (I watched Ishaqzaade twice for her sake.) And this movie is worthwhile just to see her play Meeta, a woman who’s intelligent, vulnerable, driven, hilarious, lonely and just plain weird. I don’t know that they always handled her character well, but Parineeti just throws herself into being Meeta and you can’t take your eyes off her.

As a rom-com about two people who feel out of place in their own families… well, I guess it worked. They didn’t integrate the slapstick parts very well with the serious feelings parts and of course they made it all about Nikhil, Siddharth Malhotra’s character, who is much less interesting than Meeta. Nikhil is kind of a hapless dude who hasn’t done much with his life. He makes bad decisions in business, love, and haircuts, and usually does the right thing, but he’s not very good at it.

It’s not hard to see why Nikhil eventually falls for Meeta. She’s so completely her own person, feeling everything without pretense, and at every turn he encounters a new side of her. I wish we got to see more of competent Meeta, though, considering that she’s someone who has spent the last 7 years on her own getting a PhD in a foreign country.

I don’t expect a lot from Bollywood (or Hollywood, for that matter) with respect to sensitive treatment of mental illness, so I can’t find myself too disappointed with the attitude Nikhil takes towards Meeta’s antidepressants. I do feel compelled to point out, though, that while medications can have many weird side effects, I am confident that SSRIs do not make you eat toothpaste.

I don’t know. I enjoyed the movie, but it did let me down. I seem to have that reaction to quirky rom-coms a lot, but I never stop watching them.

I did really like the side character who was into Meeta and also randomly singing filmi songs. His rendition of Ek Garam Chai (with sound effects!) was hilarious.

Holiday (2014)

I don’t think I’ve liked a masala movie this much since Vettai. It was a completely enjoyable experience. Akshay Kumar! He’s badass! He’s hilarious! He’s engaging in ethically questionable vigilante justice! I forget how much I like watching him because of his less-than-stellar taste in scripts, but this one is a winner. It’s a remake of the Tamil movie Thuppakki, which I haven’t seen, so I can’t compare them.

Akshay is Captain Virat Bakshi, Indian Army, home on leave to see his family. They drag him to meet a potential bride, Saiba (Sonakshi Sinha) and there are comical misunderstandings and charming songs as they fall in love. Also a Govinda cameo! But at the same time, Virat is drawn into a single-minded hunt to uncover a terrorist bomb plot.

Sona and Akshay are just about the cutest thing ever, even if Saiba is a little silly. See?

Spoilers from here.

Mujhse Dosti Karoge! (2001)

Oh, Mujhse Dosti Karoge. So much unnecessary melodrama all wrapped in candyfloss and served up with silly songs and well-timed divine intervention. And sometimes, that’s exactly what I want, so I watch MDK again. It’s a love story about some friends who have some very questionable notions about friendship and also fashion choices. (Sometimes I wonder what I would have thought about this movie back in 2001. Would I have been too cool for this sort of thing, or would I have loved Kareena’s fantastic pants?)

Raj

Best friends Tina and Pooja

The scene is set with three young friends. Raj is leaving for London, and saying goodbye to Pooja and Tina in Shimla. Raj has a not-so-secret crush on Tina, and Pooja has a not-so-secret crush on Raj. They promise to stay in touch, but when Pooja emails Raj, she signs it “Tina” to ensure a response. They continue their correspondence, and years later, when they’ve grown up, Raj and Pooja (who Raj thinks is Tina) have fallen in love over email. Raj has grown up to be Hrithik Roshan, Tina has grown into bubbly, hyper-fashionable Kareena Kapoor, and Pooja is quiet and sweet Rani Mukherjee. She’s supposed to be the plain one, but you can stuff her in all the dowdy turtlenecks you want, she’s still Rani. Also her outfits have aged a little better than Kareena’s.

Kaho Naa... Pyaar Hai (2000)

Such Bollywood. Very Hrithik. So melodrama. Wow.

(“Say you love me”) So this is the movie that Rakesh Roshan made to launch his son’s career. This is the superhit that launched Hrithik to stardom. It’s not bad, actually. I mean, the plot makes it the sort of movie you’d show people if you wanted to confirm all their stereotypes of Bollywood, but the ridiculous situations, people falling in love for no discernable reason, criminals with the collective intelligence of boiled cabbage and Hrithik’s flashy dance moves are just what I like. I enjoyed it far more than I was planning to. There’s silliness and warm fuzzies, the songs are catchy, and the commitment to emotional drama, regardless of logic, is impressive.

Our fresh-faced young hero

The soft-focus heroine

Rohit (Hrithik Roshan) is an honest, cheerful fellow who supports himself and his orphaned brother. He meets Sonia (Ameesha Patel) and lectures her into a dupatta within the first 15 minutes of the movie, which has to be some kind of record. They fall in love when Rohit is hired as a musician on a cruise to Singapore.Through a series of drunk coincidences, they’re stranded on an idyllic deserted island together for some first-class frolicking.

Bananas in Banares: Raanjhanaa

Raanjhanaa hua main tera, kaun tere bin mera...

I did not expect to like this movie. The reviews debating the stalkery romance plot were enough to keep me away from the theater, but eventually the song promos and internet hubbub drew me in, and I found Raanjhanaa to be a nuanced and very human story. And despite what I expected, I think it’s watchable from a feminist perspective.

It’s the story of Kundan (Dhanush), the son of a Tamil priest in Benares who falls in love with a Muslim girl, Zoya (Sonam Kapoor). It’s an obsessive, selfish, and unreciprocated love in all its human messiness. It’s not just that they are from different classes or religions. Kundan is in his own world, one where there is only the Zoya of his dreams, who is rather different than the Zoya of reality. I never thought I’d say this, but Sonam was really well cast here. I just can’t connect with her characters, but Zoya can’t connect with people either. She’s not always a sympathetic character when she uses Kundan’s devotion for her own ends, but she’s three-dimensional and we see glimpses of why she acts the way she does and how she feels so trapped.

Pyaar Diwana Hota Hai, Part 2

Part 1 here. Obviously, I loved the movie. With Govinda and Rani being their fabulous selves, it’s pretty easy to enjoy it on a superficial level. I didn’t even feel the need to snark (much). Sure, you have to suspend your disbelief that Sunder is able to pull off the charade and nobody figures out that he can actually speak for most of the movie, and you just have to revel in the sheer filminess, but the whole package just worked for me.

Sunder's speech about his mother's tears in the clay toys she sold. You can almost see his mother in black and white, with tears on her face and mud on her sari.

And some really good lines, like these: “When I first made a painting of my crying mother, the world didn’t go and wipe those off. The world did congratulate her.”

I love the contrast between his silence when he's with Payal and these eloquent monologues.

Hero No. 1 (1997)

This is pretty typical of 90s-era comedy/romance/family drama Govinda vehicles. It happens to be one of the best of the genre, though, full of fun times, fun songs, and funny outfits.

UP Wala Thumka has all three of these things.

Meena (Karisma Kapoor) is an orphan who lives with her large dysfunctional extended family. When her college offers her a chance to go to Europe, her strict grandfather agrees and she sets out, meeting Rajesh (Govinda) who has run away from his overbearing father (Kader Khan). First she doesn’t like him, then he’s mad at her, but they quickly fall in love.

I love how even when he’s mad he can’t help dancing along with her.

Rajesh’s father quickly agrees to the match to get him to come back home, but unknowingly insults Meena’s grandfather who refuses to even meet Rajesh after that. So he decides to pose as a servant to insinuate himself into the household. As Raju, humble cook, he brings Meena’s uncles success in business, reconciles her aunt with her estranged husband, and lectures the teenage cousin who stays out all night at discos (and rescues her from the thugs that are the direct and natural result of said discos and are not regressive moral commentary at all) such that she stays home, puts on a dupatta and serves her grandfather breakfast. He makes the whole family eat together and even sings duets with Meena under everyone’s nose.

As Raju, undercover future son-in-law.

So it’s nothing new, but everybody is just so damn charming that you can’t help but find it all absolutely delightful. We could have done without the Shakti Kapoor bit, but we can always do without the Shakti Kapoor bit. Overall it's a very enjoyable movie.

Ishaqzaade (2012)

ARG! This movie pissed me off so much. All it had to be it just the tiniest bit less misogynistic, the tiniest bit more coherent, and I would have loved it. I loved Parineeti Chopra, Arjun Kapoor was acceptable, and even if the rural, testosterone-fueled gun-toting setting wasn’t anything new, it was fun to watch. I came back to this review a year later, trying to give the movie another chance. Well, it still doesn't work for me, despite knowing what I was getting into.

Zoya Qureshi is the headstrong, spunky daughter of a local politician. Parineeti Chopra is a lot of fun to watch and she just shines here. Arjun Kapoor plays Parma Chauhan, the grandson of the opposing political candidate, he likes to beat people up for no reason and set fire to warehouses full of diesel. He’s Hindu, she’s Muslim. They meet while campaigning (or in Parma’s case, generally causing trouble) for their respective families, they fight, he points a gun at her head, she slaps him, that sort of thing. After he corners her in the bathroom at college, she decides she’s in love. (Yeah. Don’t worry, it gets worse.) They have an adorable little courtship, until he sets up a secret wedding for them, with both Hindu and Muslim rites. Right after they consummate their marriage in an abandoned train car, Parma gets up and tells Zoya that it was all a lie, and he just did all this to get back at her for slapping him.

Anjaana Anjaani (2010)

I decided to give this movie another chance. I watched it a year ago and disliked it, but it’s stuck with me and when I gave it another shot, I liked it better. Reduced expectations FTW!

The premise is made to be printed on the back of a dvd cover. Two strangers meet at night on a bridge in New York, preparing to jump. Akash (Ranbir Kapoor) has bankrupted his company in the recession and Kiara (Priyanka Chopra) found out that her fiance cheated on her. Their suicide attempts are aborted by the coast guard, and they sneak out of the hospital together to try again. This could be really good material for a black comedy, as they try another few botched attempts to kill themselves together. I think Ranbir and Priyanka could pull it off, but the writers went the easy route and made a movie about people deciding to live each day as if it's their last and learning valuable lessons about love and life along the way. That doesn't have to make it a bad movie, but there's glimmers of what it could have been along the way.

Aas Paas Hai Khuda ends with a really poignant scene where Akash realizes that he’s no longer eager to end his life, and his connection with Kiara is why. And he finds out, suddenly and horribly, that she doesn’t feel the same way. The moment is sent straight to the trash once she’s in the hospital, as her doctor rants at Akash about how unappreciative some people are and how kids these days don’t value their life like they should.

You know, maybe the woman with multiple suicide attempts has a little more going on than "kids these days".

Kandukondain Kandukondain (2000)

This was one of the first Indian movies I ever watched and seven years later, I think I enjoy it as much as I did then. Tabu and Aishwarya Rai are fantastic and so are the songs. The whole thing is just delightful.

I'm reasonably certain that my best friend and I spent an entire semester Konjum Mainakkale-ing around our college dorm just like this.

Yeah, probably spent a lot of time badly imitating this one too.

This is a Tamil riff on Sense and Sensibility with some nice updates like both sisters holding jobs and being successful. Really, Marianne’s character is made to be an Indian movie heroine, with her hyperactive romantic ideas and tendency to wander around in the rain thinking of her true love, and Aishwarya as Meenakshi is as beautiful, impulsive and poetry-loving as you might wish for. Sowmya (Tabu) is great as the more restrained and responsible older sister, and the friendship between them, despite their differences, is very sweet.

Sowmya meets aspiring director Manohar (Ajith Kumar) and they’re both very awkward and cute, but he bravely confesses his love ASAP although he has to prove himself by directing his first movie before he can marry. Meenakshi meets Major Bala (Mammootty) when he causes a drunken scene at her dance performance. For him, it’s love at first sight and he promptly gifts her classical music lessons and quits drinking. For her, he’s a mild annoyance after she meets Srikanth (Abbas) who comes striding out of a storm reciting poetry to rescue her from a twisted ankle. He, of course is a self-centered owner of a scammy investment bank and you know the rest of the story from there.

The family is kicked out of their palatial home for inheritance reasons and have to struggle in Madras. Major Bala helps Meenakshi get work singing and Sowmya works her way up from receptionist to software programmer and even secures a visa to the US when she thinks Manohar no longer loves her. It won’t be a spoiler to say it all turns out well. It’s all very cute.

Bala is not quite sure what to do with Meenakshi now that he's got her.

And no review of this movie would be complete without the title song, where Aishwarya dances around a drafty Scottish castle in a skimpy bobbled sari as her lover arrives in a long flowing cape. (The subtitles are not the best, but in searching for a better video I instead found this adorable Kandukondain/Free Fallin' mashup that I feel the need to share.)

Mini-Reviews: South Indian Edition

Bhavani, 2011 (Tamil)

Sneha as a bad-ass lady cop? Yes please. ACP Bhavani takes her khaki-fitting tips from Chulbul Pandey and takes shit from nobody. Not from the corrupt politicians who run the town, not from their neverending parade of rowdies, and not from the corrupt and apathetic police at her station. She’s brave, honest, likes object lessons and is really, really good at her job. She beats up a lot of people, all of whom deserve it.

It’s pretty strictly an action movie. There’s no romance track, and the family drama is limited to the villain and his son using Bhavani’s sister as a pawn in their escalating war. Her father is around too, but what do you say about a character who is willing to marry his daughter off to her rapist? Nothing good, that’s for sure. There’s what appears to be an attempt at a comedy track involving a slapstick policeman with a Hitler mustache, but I don’t think he’s ever involved at all in the actual plot. Which is sparse, unfortunately. Mostly it’s just the villains doing worse and worse things (and we started off with girls off the street being kidnapped, raped, and murdered, so, yeah) in retaliation to Bhavani’s crackdown, and her beating people up, striding around taking down lawbreakers, and removing her sunglasses dramatically.

She also gets a pretty fantastic hero song.

So it’s not that good of a movie, but I cannot stress this enough: Sneha as a bad-ass lady cop being bad-ass for 2 hours is completely worth your while, assuming you don’t mind the violence. (And at least it’s played as serious instead of comedy like in R… Rajkumar.) It’s also one of the few Tamil movies on Eros Now with subtitles.

Oh My Friend, 2011 (Telugu)

Just a simple drama about two childhood friends, Siri and Chandu, and their relationships as they grow up. Shruti Haasan and Siddharth are delightful. It’s so nice to see Shruti being fun and happy after watching her in 3, and Siddharth is a pretty adorable dancer. The story, though, didn’t quite do it for me. It’s very Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Naa: a boy and a girl are good friends, everybody thinks they’re secretly in love, despite being engaged to other people. The twist is that they’re right. They don’t have romantic feelings for each other, and don’t want to marry. The trick is to convince everybody else.

The problem I had was their naivete about their relationship. Okay, you’re best friends. But have some boundaries! If you run roughshod over other people’s couples time, or you call your best friend excitedly while on a date with your fiance, they’re going to get pissed. It could be worth examining how any closeness between men and women has to get scrutinized as potential romance, but Siri and Chandu seem completely oblivious, as if “we’re just friends” is supposed to excuse damaging their romantic relationships. The climax was pretty frustrating as well, with Siri’s fiance and Chandu having it out, while the women hang back and accept their verdict.

Vaaranam Aayiram, 2008 (Tamil)

I watched this for Sameera Reddy, having loved her in Vettai. She didn’t actually have a whole lot to do, but I didn’t end up minding because it was a touching story of the relationship between Surya (Suriya) and his father (also Suriya). It’s a little slow, but it’s stuck with me for the intimate portrayal of their family. It’s so nice to see a realistic happy family on screen and you feel comfortable with the characters immediately.

I don’t know that the movie's strictly realistic, since between the young love and family interactions there is unnecessary dishooming, dramatic army missions, and expressing your grief via pelvic thrusting all over town, but the emotions and relationships rang true, and happen very organically. The only bad note was Surya’s second love interest Priya (Ramya) who could have easily been replaced by a placard saying “Hi, I am the girl-next-door cliche”. On the other hand, they made sure not to devalue Surya’s relationship with Meghna (Sameera). Major props to Simran, who was seriously flawless as Surya’s mother.

U Me aur Hum (2008)

As the opening credits went by, crediting Ajay Devgan with the story, direction, production and lead role, it was hard not the be apprehensive, especially considering he’d roped his wife in as co-star. I love Kajol, but that doesn’t mean the movie is going to be good. And the first hour is pretty intolerable. Ajay (Ajay Devgan) meets Piya (Kajol) while on a cruise with his friends and goes to the typical ridiculous lengths to woo her. Ajay’s really too old for this exuberantly infatuated act, and the songs are bad. Finally that’s over and they get married, make a list of dreams for the future on their bedroom wall, and then things start to go wrong. Piya forgets things, sometimes little things, but when she gets lost on the street in front of her apartment building they have to admit something is going on and she’s diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers at 28, and that her pregnancy is exacerbating her symptoms.

Yeah, the baby has been born and is right in their living room, being doted on by family and friends. Ouch.

This is pretty solid emotional melodrama, as long as you can accept Movie!Alzheimer’s for what it is: fits of confusion and forgetting with none of the messiness of the actual disease. Kajol pulls it off well, Ajay less so. In some of the shots it’s really obvious that he’s the director and thinks getting the view of his angst from every angle is very important. Ajay’s friends from the cruise are still around to help him through Piya’s decline-- they’re mostly forgettable, but Divya Dutta brings that extra solidity to her role which I always appreciate.

Finally, after an incident where she forgets her son in the bathtub, Ajay decides to admit Piya to a care facility, but she doesn’t stay. Ajay misses her too much, and Piya is scared and angry without him. And since this is Movie!Alzheimer’s, it’s totally okay to bring her back home and they live happily ever after-ish.

The nursing home looks bizarrely like an aquarium.

The central conceit of the movie is that this whole story is told in flashback, as older Ajay narrates the story to older Piya, while they are taking the 25th wedding anniversary cruise that they both dreamed of long ago, whether she remembers it or not. I guess living at home worked out because she doesn’t seem to have lost much function in the two decades since her diagnosis. If only true love could really manage degenerative brain disease like that.

My real problem with this movie isn’t with Movie!Alzheimer’s or that it’s a bad movie, it’s that instead of telling a story about an illness, it twists the illness to tell the story. And I’m all for filmi escapism, but diseases aren’t meaningful narratives. They're just shit that goes wrong. It's great if you can find meaning in that, but it gets on my nerves when you force it.