First things first: Kajol. Kajol Kajol Kajol Kajol. In case anyone was not aware that she’s the most beautiful woman on the planet, she is, in fact, the most beautiful woman on the planet. DO MORE MOVIES KAJOL I HEART YOU. Seriously, go watch Mehndi Laga Ke and then Gerua and tell me she has aged a single day. (And then try to work out that sympathetic crick in your neck after watching her do all those backbends.)
Second: This movie was not as good as I wished it could have been, but it was better than I was expecting. We are all here for the SRK-Kajol jodi anyway, right? And on that front, it delivers. It delivers the same thing we’ve seen a billion times before, but when we’re depending on Rohit Shetty for the delivery, he does well to avoid too much innovation.
Third: The promo picture is inaccurate. There are no gigantic wrenches in the movie. All wrenches are normal-sized.
I was watching Hamari Adhuri Kahaani, but that turned out to be pretty insufferable, so I found myself some Mithun to cleanse my palate. Plus, Padmini Kolhapure! The mom from PPNH! I seem to have gotten very lazy about finding subtitled versions of movies, because apparently I couldn’t be bothered to fork over $10 and wait for Amazon Prime shipping, so I watched it on youtube. The plot is straightforward and the story is sweet.
The beginning is pretty hilarious. Preeti (Padmini) drunkenly crashes her car into a lightpost and starts getting hassled by the sort of group of jackasses that always show up when a heroine is doing something improper (as if that excuses it). And like always happens, the hero shows up to leap through the air and kick everybody in the face at the same time. Our hero Ajay (Mithun Chakraborty) tries to help Preeti, who keeps trying to emphasize what a shareef ladki she is. Shareef though she may be, she is also very drunk, so Ajay hauls her home to let her sleep it off.
This is very considerate of him, and in return she accidentally sets his bedroom on fire.
There really couldn’t be a better movie for Salman Khan right now than this. See? He’s the sort of fellow who never tells a lie, prays a lot, and risks sneaking across the Pakistani border to reunite a little girl with her family, not someone who gets drunk and runs over homeless people. Anyway, I’ve come to terms with Salman Khan the person versus Salman Khan the actor, and I do enjoy the latter quite a lot. It’s just that this film, and the winning image of a little girl riding on Salman's back is awfully well-timed, coincidence or not.
It’s also really sweet and well worth the watch. So there’s this little girl in Pakistan, Shahida (Harshaali Malhotra, the most adorable child artist I’ve seen in, like, ever) who likes goats, cricket, and wandering off where no one can find her. She’s also mute. Her mother takes her to a shrine in Delhi to pray that she will speak, but on the way back she wanders off the train and is left behind in India.
I thought there was no way I wouldn’t like this movie, seeing as how the cast list is basically a summary of my very most favorite Bollywood actors. So when the bad reviews came in, I was all “whatever, those people probably didn’t like Jhoom Barabar Jhoom either, so what do they know.” Then they were all “no, seriously, it doesn’t make any sense and Ranveer is awful” and I was all “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” and ordered the dvd anyway.
But yeah. It might have suffered from some unreasonably high expectations on my part, but I really didn’t enjoy it as much as I had hoped. The movie opens with Dev (Ranveer Singh) narrating his story to a video camera, because if there’s anything Yash Raj does better than tired references to more successful films, it’s having their characters explain themselves directly at the camera instead of showing us what happened. So we learn that Dev and Tutu (Ali Zafar) were rescued from the streets and raised by Bhaiyyaji (Govinda) who basically turns them into a cold-blooded killing team. They’ve known nothing else, so they’re quite charming about the whole thing, with big guns, big smiles, and endearing bromance.
And also shirtless Ali Zafar, because I am not exactly a high-brow sort of movie viewer.
I mean, I’m not one to rant about The Dismal State of Cinema Today, but this is such a classic. Yash Chopra just got it right. I keep trying to write this review, and instead going back and rewatching all those iconic scenes. (Also the Aruna Irani song.) Deewar is about right and wrong and the line in between, and what happens when that line is drawn through a family.
The filmmakers did kind of take the idea and run with it.
Ravi and Vijay are brothers who with their mother (Nirupa Roy) are forced into poverty in Mumbai, after their father leaves town in disgrace due to being blackmailed in a labor dispute. Vijay, the elder, works so that Ravi can be educated and despite their circumstances, they grow up into very different men. Ravi becomes a polite Shashi Kapoor, with a B.A., a police inspector job, and a nice girlfriend (Neetu Singh). Vijay is Amitabh Bachchan, a dock worker who is forced to pay protection money to a local gang. He grew up working on the street, defending his mother, and literally carrying the sins of his father tattooed on his skin, so it’s not hard to see why he seeks a more secure life. He moves into the more lucrative world of smuggling, and buys his mother a new house and all the comforts he can give her.
Religious discord in the family. But do you see that Vijay's badge is number 786? Do you think there might be some religious symbolism going on? I think there might be some religious symbolism going on.
Basically, I will watch anything if Parineeti Chopra’s in it, but I haaated Aditya Roy Kapur in YJHD. So I resisted seeing Daawat-e-Ishq for a while, but it turns out it’s pretty cute. Gullu (Parineeti) is a young women in Hyderabad, and her father (Anupam Kher) is looking for a husband for her. Unfortunately, the families of the educated men she considers her equals ask for a much higher dowry than her father can afford. After being humiliated when her boyfriend’s family asks her father for 80 lakhs of “help”, she cooks up a plan to catch a rich family asking her father for dowry, then threaten them with a case of dowry harassment and use the money she extorts to go learn fashion design in America.
Here is a grainy screencap of Shahid Kapoor in a kilt. It’s the primary redeeming feature of this movie.
There. I have just saved you 2 and a half hours.
Mausam is the first (and so far only) movie directed by Pankaj Kapur, starring his son. If the cinematography is any indication, he seems to love Shahid very much. I also love Shahid very much, but this does not actually make it a good movie.
Anyway, on to the epic “love story beyond romance”, featuring our two protagonists, the unluckiest couple in the world. They hit no less than 5 notable violent world events over the course of about ten years, which alternately bring them together or force them apart. I’d give them more slack about their tempest-tossed relationship if they had given me any reason to root for their love, but they don’t, so neither do I.
Damn, girl
Juhi Chawla in Gulaab Gang. She was a fantastic villain, and it works so well, I think, because she can be so charming. Just like I want to smile whenever she smiles, I want to recoil when she sneers.
Best actress
Tabu in Haider. I could complain that she’s playing Shahid’s mother at only 43, but if she gets more roles like this, I’ll be ecstatic.
Best comeback
GOVINDA, in everything.
Favorite Song
Besharmi ki Height from Main Tera Hero
Varun has to be the most enjoyable dancer to come around since Ranveer. Possibly even Shahid. And this song is such delightful pandering. Ileana poses on a motorcycle in skin-tight leather pants, Varun humps in the direction of a broken fire hydrant. The lyrics go “saari night besharmi ki height/ik tu, ik main/aur ho dim dim yeh light” and yet somehow they manage to make it cute instead of sleazy.
Biggest surprise
Alia Bhatt and Highway. I don’t think it’s the best performance of the year or anything, but she really did pull this off, and Imtiaz Ali made it all work.
Highway also takes best soundtrack, far and away. Tu Kuja is full of such raw despair and the pure human spirit that nobody can do like A.R. Rahman. Bonus points for a fantastic use of Alia’s voice in Sooha Saha.
Most heartbreaking moment
Parineeti Chopra at the end of Hasee toh Phasee. Through the entire movie, we’ve seen Meeta’s coping skills for all life throws at her. Her intelligence, her quirks, her self-prescribed medication, stealing, running away, everything. And yet, in this moment, none of it is enough.
And finally, my favorite movie of the year
Bobby Jasoos. It's seriously adorable. Bobby is an extremely enjoyable character, with strengths and flaws (not just quirks!) and despite it all, a very clever detective. Sure, it’s a little silly, and the ending is a little rushed, but watching her navigate her dreams and her relationships is charming, and it’s just got all the right Bollywood feelings. And in the end, it’s all about family. Plus, Vidya! How can you not love her?
